In An Instant

IN AN INSTANT
By: Daniel Wise
“To me, there are three things we all should do every day. We should do this every day of our lives. Number 1 is laugh. You should laugh every day. Number 2 is think. You should spend some time in thought. And Number 3 is, you should have your emotions moved to tears, could be happiness or joy. But think about it. If you laugh, you think, and you cry, that's a full day. That's a heck of a day. You do that seven days a week, you're going to have something special."
-James Thomas Anthony Valvano
He ran out on to the field for the last time in his career as a high school football player. He could hardly even call it much of a career at all. For four years he had amounted to little more than a practice dummy who just so happened to have the ability to move. His knees felt stiff and he strained every time he moved them because he had spent the whole game standing on the side line. He jogged instead of ran because the situation just was not one that he felt excited for. It was the fourth quarter and his team was down by fourteen with a little more than a minute to go. The visiting team was within twenty yards of scoring once again. He looked at his team mates and they all had a look of defeat in their eyes. It was the same look of a dying man who still wanted to believe that he could live, but there was no use but to face the truth. This team was going to lose, and yet it had almost been a magical season. It was the semi final round, and they planned to go to the state finals to bask in the glory of what is high school athletics. These boys were so close to something that could be considered the pinnacle of one’s high school career, but now they were one minute and twenty seconds away from going home.
He wanted to go home badly. He was sick of the daily practices, he was done with the hours he spent in the weight room, and he was ready to move on in life. He had never accomplished anything in athletics in a world that expected nothing but greatness from athletes. He was merely a footnote in the expansive history of his town’s high school athletics program. He was a football player and a wrestler, while not great, he was a decent athlete. Most coaches would laude him for his attitude.
“He has a strong will, work ethic, and great character. If he had the talent, he would have been great.”
When you don’t have a particular talent, no amount of hard work or character can get you on the starting roster, or even room as a back up. At least, that’s what he believed. He had read his share of sports novels and inspirational quotes about how the underdog eventually comes out on top. He had heard his coaches say the people with the hardest work ethic will find a role on this team. He had found his role, practice squad member for 4 years of high school. The only time he had ever started was during his junior year as a member of the junior varsity team.
The whole thing was a joke to him now, and he had considered just stopping where he was, turn around and walk off the field, past the sideline, the bleachers, the ticket booth, the parking lot and walk home where high school athletics didn’t exist. His family did not have a pedigree for being great athletes. His dad broke his knee in high school during a game and never played again, his brother was a good tight end, but tearing his ACL changed him and he couldn’t make the cuts that he was used to making. His oldest brother was the only one who saw any considerable amount of playing time; ironically, he was a 167 pound offensive lineman. At the opposite end, a majority of his team mates had some type of background with sports. Either they had fathers, brothers or uncles who were lights-out, stud athletes, who were also alumni of his school. He didn’t walk home because the look in his team mates compelled him. He realized how much all of this meant to them so he kept on jogging towards the huddle. He wanted to console one of his team mates, but he couldn’t find the right words to say.
He was sent in as a defensive lineman, but he played linebacker. He was two-hundred pounds, small compared to the other linemen who weighed two-hundred and sixty pounds each. The defensive call came in from the sidelines and he had no idea what he was supposed to do on the defensive line. He recognized the call, at least what he’d have to do if he was playing linebacker, but he was unsure of what he was supposed to do on defense. The huddle was broke and he, along with his team mates, trotted to the line of scrimmage. The offensive linemen across from him looked massive. They all had at least two or three inches on him and at least fifty or more pounds. He was stuck at nose guard. This was quite possibly the worst position a player of his size could be, especially in the three four defense, but did it really matter anymore. He was put in just to be put in since they were going to lose the game any way. What did it matter? Nothing mattered at all, in all likely hood, he was going to get creamed on this play and nobody would care or even notice. He approached the line and looked at the center and the guard. He didn’t even know where he was lining up on this play. Was he head up on the center or the guard? Was he inside or outside shade? He knew the little details of defensive line strategy and technique, but he hadn’t done it for a little over a year. If they still ran the four three defense, he would have somewhat of an idea, but this was something completely new to him. He went head up on the center, then suddenly one of the linebackers behind him, grabbed him and directed him where to go.
“Damn it, you’re inside shade of the guard and you’re going through the B gap. Get your head right.”
He was a little embarrassed at this and the offensive line seemed to be laughing at him. He shook off their torment and got down in his three-point stance. The quarterback went through his cadence.
“Gold twenty two, gold twenty two”
Someone went in motion, but he couldn’t tell who it was.
“Set”
He tensed up every muscle in his body. Every muscle, tendon, and thought was wound tightly like a cocked gun about to be fired. His breathing became steady and for a short moment, everything was calm and peaceful.
I.
I AM A LINEBACKER
“I’m going to play linebacker next year, and I was wondering if I could borrow some game tapes from last year” He said to his coach as they stood outside of the high school. It was a beautiful spring morning. The school year was waning, which meant that summer vacation was approaching. He had been working out tirelessly since the end of the football season and his body definitely showed how much effort he was putting in. He was expecting some words to discourage him from doing so since he had never played the position before and was going into his senior season. He had played offensive and defensive line since he was a chubby little kid during his flag football days, and now he was going into uncharted territory.
“Sure.”
It wasn’t the answer that he had been expecting at all, but he wasn’t sure if it was even a good answer at all. His coach didn’t discourage him at all, and didn’t start listing off reasons why he should stay where he is, but he also didn’t see that answer as totally positive. His coach was a soft-spoken man, even during practice. He definitely didn’t have the booming voice that most coaches have, but he could always rally the team together with his carefully chosen words.
“I know this might sound a little crazy to you, but I’ve lost some weight and I’ve gotten quicker. I feel like this is something that I should take a shot at.” He said, fishing around for some type of compliment or words of encouragement.
“Well if you feel like you must do it, then work hard and we’ll see what happens this fall.” He said as they walked together into the school building. “You can talk to me after school and I’ll get those tapes for you.”
He couldn’t wait until the school bell rang to let the student out of class and to allow him to train for the upcoming season. Each day, he would run from his house to the weight room, lift weights for an hour and run back. He remembered when he first started lifting for the first time. He was a freshman in high school and he could barely bench ninety-five pounds. Over 3 years, he had finally reached 195 pounds and could squat-lift 250 pounds. He had one more summer to push himself completely over the edge physically and he planned to do that. He was at a moment in life where he finally felt a sense of urgency. He had dropped nearly fifty-five pounds since his freshman year of high school. He remembered when he first ran a forty yard dash, he timed in at 7.5 seconds. Slow was a word that couldn’t even describe his athletic ability. He was a member of the junior varsity team for all three years. It was common knowledge that anyone who spent three years on the JV squad would not see much playing time at all in the varsity games. The stud athletes usually spent their first year on the squad, while everyone else spent two years. The lowliest athletes always spent three years on the junior varsity squad. He knew that high school football was just a game and that dreams of the NFL died when he reached the age where he became a realist, but something drove him to become something that nobody would expect. Deciding to play linebacker was something that nobody would ever think he would do. People also thought that he wouldn’t be able to play the position. It was obvious that he was inexperienced, but that position was lacking experience with mostly sophomores and freshmen playing linebacker. He had thought to himself from time to time if he would ever start on varsity.
Most people at the school didn’t even know he played football. He never spent much time with the team outside of school and practice, and never attended any parties that so many of the other athletes would talk about on a regular basis. He was simply a filled roster spot and a name on a program; however, people never paid attention to his name. The one thing that he craved about becoming a starter is hearing his name over the PA system after he made a play. He also wanted to feel what it would be like to run through the tunnel at the beginning of the game and run to the middle of the field so that everyone could see him. He craved that attention. He was tired of being someone only the team knows about.



II.
THE SUMMER
The whole summer, he trained tirelessly. There wasn’t a day that he didn’t do something relating to football. He trained hard every single day in the weight room. Whatever the sport of football demanded, he paid the price in sweat, vomit and muscle aches. He went out to the field where they played under the Friday night lights and worked on his agility. He bought cones that he used for markers on where to make his cuts. He ran stair laps on the bleachers until he could not move his legs anymore. Eventually as the summer progressed, he would jump up the steps on two legs, then one leg. He did ladders across the football field starting at the goal line and running to the fifty yard line in ten yard increments. At the beginning of the summer a workout like that was challenging to the point where he almost wanted to stop. He started the summer with average athletic ability; by the end of the summer, he was running three miles effortlessly even when he had the flu.
He got his first taste of the linebacker position at a summer camp he attended with his team. It was a foreign position for him since he had played on the offensive and defensive line all his life and while he had improved his speed and agility, he was not used to making the reads that a linebacker makes. He over pursued the running back, he had trouble in man to man coverage and on a couple occasions, he would get laid out by a crack back block from a receiver. The first day was almost a nightmare for him, but his coach was there to help him. By the second day, he knew to read run or pass by looking at the knuckles of the offensive linemen. If they were white, it was a run; otherwise if the knuckles were normal, the play was going to be a pass. He learned to mimic the steps of the running back and to not over pursue. He learned to keep the running back spilling out to the sidelines because that is how the team pursued the ball. He learned how to cover receivers in man and zone and he learned how to use his agility against an offensive lineman.
III.
FALL CAMP
The summer months passed by quickly and everyone knew that fall sports were beginning when the school held the pre-season conference with the coaches, parents and students. Insurance and class information was passed out and the coaches gave a few rousing speeches about the upcoming season. Every player sat in the gymnasium in eager anticipation, waiting to put on the pads. For the seniors, this was their last chance to leave their mark on the history of their school’s athletic program. They had come so close to a state championship in the three prior years, but had fallen short in the playoffs. They felt good about their team this year due to the fact that they had eighteen returning starters on the team. The last four positions were hotly contested. The team needed someone to step up at will linebacker, strong safety and both halfback and fullback. The next day, the team would enter the gym at 6:30 in the morning to begin fall camp.
To most members of the team, approaching fall camp felt like knowing they were put on death row. No one on the team could say they looked forward to the early morning running, the aches, the pains and the occasional serious injury. The first practice didn’t require helmets or pads, just running shoes. For two and a half hours, the team ran sprints, stairs and agility stations. The team would sprint from one end of the basketball court to the other, next they would bear crawl, next they would do ladders as well as whatever the coach could come up with in his sadistic mind.
He thought to himself as they were running that any other year, he would be dying half way through these workouts, but something was oddly different; somehow, he felt fine. The summer he put in was grueling, but it made him better and prepared him for the rigors of fall camp. He was most certainly not the fastest member of the team, but he often finished within the top five of all the seniors. He felt light as he ran; he no longer had the heavy feet that stomped on the ground. He moved gracefully and was in complete control of his motions. He knew how to run without excess movement that exerted precious energy; he felt like an athlete now.
The practice that followed had the team outside in helmets and shoulder pads. For four practices, the team was required to wear only helmets but on that fifth practice, the pads came on and everyone was ready to let out their aggression. The afternoon practices started with conditioning like gassers or train tracks, a drill that had the team lie down in a line. The last person would get up and run with the next person following until they got to the end where they would lay down and wait until it was time to repeat the process. In years past, he would get passed by nearly everyone on the team, but now he was the one passing people and it felt good to him. The rest of the practice consisted of pursuit drills, individual drills, 7 on 7 and a team session.
He made special teams, something that may seem like a small accomplishment to some, but to him, it was a step forward to becoming a major player on the team. He was on both kickoff and kick return and he played special teams furiously. He ran with purpose and wreaked havoc has he busted through the wedge or made a block for the returner.
Two weeks finally passed and game day fast approached. It was a home game and he was looking forward to display his talents in front of everyone. He trotted out onto the field for kick off. He was the man next to the kicker in the middle and he was in charge of making sure that everyone went on his word. When the kicker crossed his face, that was his time to let everyone know the play started. The kick team lined up and he counted the heads to make sure they had ten guys and a kicker. He broke the huddle and everyone lined up. He tensed up his entire body waiting for the kicker to prepare for the kick. The kicker started moving forward and as he passed by he shouted to get everyone else moving. The ball was kicked horribly off the top, it went left and skimmed across the field. The other team recovered the ball and he hadn’t even gone ten yards. The rest of the game he stood on the sidelines, but he didn’t mind that much because they scored often which allowed him to get more chances on the field. He ran hard every time he came onto the field and the coaches took notice of it.

IV.
THE SIDE LINE
Midway through the season, something happened that he hadn’t foreseen. During the pre-game against Milbank High School, he sprained his ankle in seven on seven. The field was particularly muddy that night because of a midday rain storm. He was trying to follow the tight end going across the field, but a mud slick twisted his ankle and he went down. His ankle was taped and it even had a brace on it, and yet this had caused a sprain that was the worst he’s ever felt. He had bad ankles so he was used to the sprains, but this one was different. He tried walking off the pain, but he couldn’t put pressure down on it for nearly fifteen minutes. He could finally walk on it by the time he had to go out for kick off. He could jog on it, but each step shot tremendous pain up his leg. He lined up the kickoff team and he focused on something that could maybe take the pain away. The kicker ran passed him and he started running down the field. He tried running as hard as he could, but something was holding him back. He could deal with pain, but as hard as he tried he couldn’t run full speed. He couldn’t run like he was used to, his leg felt like it was about to fall off.
After the game, one of the coaches asked him why he had not run as hard as he did in other games. He told them he had messed up his ankle and all he needed was some ice to treat it during the weekend. When he came to practice that Monday, the special teams were announced, but now his name was no longer called. He had been replaced by a sophomore. He couldn’t believe it. He had worked hard all summer, during fall camp and every practice during the season. He tried to get his spot back, but his name was never called again that season. He went to talk to his coach about why he had been taken off special teams and the answer was that God had not granted him with the gift of quick. That was it. The hours he had put in, the time he had spent at the weight room, running across town and studying the play book didn’t matter at all because of the way God had made him.
He had no use for football anymore. He didn’t want to suit up on Fridays because he didn’t want to stand on the side lines watching his fellow seniors play. For three years prior, he never saw any importance for Friday’s game because he knew he’d just be on the sideline. Everyone was bigger, faster and stronger than him. He just saw Fridays as an opportunity to watch football at the best seat in the house. By the time the playoffs had started, he wanted to just walk away from it all. Something had held him there however and he continued to press on until the end of the season. No matter how worthless he felt, he wanted to finish the season.
V.
THE FINAL GAME
He ran out on to the field for the last time in his career as a high school football player. He could hardly even call it much of a career at all. For four years he had amounted to little more than a practice dummy who just so happened to have the ability to move. His knees felt stiff and he strained every time he moved them because he had spent the whole game standing on the side line. He jogged instead of ran because the situation just was not one that he felt excited for. It was the fourth quarter and his team was down by fourteen with a little more than a minute to go. The visiting team was within twenty yards of scoring once again. He looked at his team mates and they all had a look of defeat in their eyes. It was the same look of a dying man who still wanted to believe that he could live, but there was no use but to face the truth. This team was going to lose, and yet it had almost been a magical season. It was the semi final round, and they planned to go to the state finals to bask in the glory of what is high school athletics. These boys were so close to something that could be considered the pinnacle of one’s high school career, but now they were one minute and twenty seconds away from going home.
He wanted to go home badly. He was sick of the daily practices, he was done with the hours he spent in the weight room, and he was ready to move on in life. He had never accomplished anything in athletics in a world that expected nothing but greatness from athletes. He was merely a footnote in the expansive history of his town’s high school athletics program. He was a football player and a wrestler, while not great, he was a decent athlete. Most coaches would laude him for his attitude.
The whole thing was a joke to him now, and he had considered just stopping where he was, turn around and walk off the field, past the sideline, the bleachers, the ticket booth, the parking lot and walk home where high school athletics didn’t exist. He didn’t walk home because the look in his team mates compelled him. He realized how much all of this meant to them so he kept on jogging towards the huddle. He wanted to console one of his team mates, but he couldn’t find the right words to say.
He was sent in as a defensive lineman, but he played linebacker. He was two-hundred pounds, small compared to the other linemen who weighed two-hundred and sixty pounds each. The defensive call came in from the sidelines and he had no idea what he was supposed to do on the defensive line. He recognized the call, at least what he’d have to do if he was playing linebacker, but he was unsure of what he was supposed to do on defense. The huddle was broke and he, along with his team mates, trotted to the line of scrimmage. The offensive linemen across from him looked massive. They all had at least two or three inches on him and at least fifty or more pounds. He was stuck at nose guard. This was quite possibly the worst position a player of his size could be, especially in the three four defense, but did it really matter anymore. He was put in just to be put in since they were going to lose the game any way. What did it matter? Nothing mattered at all, in all likely hood, he was going to get creamed on this play and nobody would care or even notice. He approached the line and looked at the center and the guard. He didn’t even know where he was lining up on this play. Was he head up on the center or the guard? Was he inside or outside shade? He knew the little details of defensive line strategy and technique, but he hadn’t done it for a little over a year. If they still ran the four three defense, he would have somewhat of an idea, but this was something completely new to him. He went head up on the center, then suddenly one of the linebackers behind him, grabbed him and directed him where to go.
“Damn it, you’re inside shade of the guard and you’re going through the B gap. Get your head right.”
He was a little embarrassed at this and the offensive line seemed to be laughing at him. He shook off their torment and got down in his three-point stance. The quarterback went through his cadence.
“Gold twenty two, gold twenty two”
Someone went in motion, but he couldn’t tell who it was.
“Set”
He tensed up every muscle in his body. Every muscle, tendon, and thought was wound tightly like a cocked gun about to be fired. His breathing became steady and for a short moment, everything was calm and peaceful.
He exploded out of his stance with a fury that had built up over the season. All the disappointment poured out of him as pure energy. His cleats tossed grass up with every step he took and his body exerted so much force in that one instant, that he blew past the offensive line with little more than a hand of the guard to stop him. He came through the gap low, his body thrusting forward in one smooth motion after another. He saw the quarterback dropping back as if he was going to pass the ball but handed it off to the running back behind him. The back ran towards him and shifted his body to the left. He grabbed hold of the back’s jersey but lost his grip as they both flew by each other like two trains on an expressway. Even though the back had gotten past him, he was hindered by another defensive player. He saw another chance for a tackle as he noticed the running back running back down the line of scrimmage looking for a gap to open. He ran at the back and tackled him low between his upper back and rear. He got up from the pile elated at first, but realized that his season was over and the offense just had to run down the clock.

VI.
MY NAME
The football team, parents, coaches, teachers and student body crowded in the cafeteria of the high school. It was time for the end of the season banquet and everyone had a lively tone. While they knew the season was done, they were already looking forward to the next season. The football team sat at tables with each grade sitting at their respective table. The seniors were reflecting on the season, talking about great plays and monster tackles. The underclassmen talked about next year’s state championship and how they would be there and become crowned champions in 2006.
The crowd of people shared friendly conversation over home cooked food and deserts until the coach came to the podium to make his end of the year speech and pass out awards. He spoke of how hard everyone worked during the season. While the team had fallen short, they were the best group of kids he had worked with. He then called up the freshmen and gave small stories of each athlete and his progress during the season. He did the same for the sophomores and juniors; when it was time for the seniors to come up, he thought to himself about what coach would say about him. Would he honestly have anything to say at all? He had never started, and he could count all the minutes of his varsity playing time on one hand. He listened to the coach give rave reviews of all the seniors and looked forward to finally leaving high school football behind. He then noticed that he had talked about all the seniors except for him. Finally, he heard his name and for some in attendance, had heard his name for the first time.
“I want to tell you all about someone who has truly invested everything into this program. I want to tell you about Daniel Wise. People have asked him why he wouldn’t quit and I can tell you why; he has something inside him that keeps every human being going, and that’s heart. He showed up to practice every single day and loved every minute of it. While some of the team would have it differently, he wouldn’t change practice for the world. I remember Mark Stone, a teacher here, coming up to me before the last game asking if I was starting Daniel. I told him no, and he said it seemed like it because he had just had a conversation with him and he could have sworn that Daniel knew so much about the opposition that he could have started that game.”
I stood there in complete shock as I heard everything that was being said. I wasn’t sure but I could have sworn that I was blushing worse than I ever had. I had spent most of twenty minutes imagining Coach Dosch telling everyone how much I sucked and didn’t deserve to be on the football team. He continued,
“I want to give an award that has never been given before, and I doubt it will ever be given again. I doubt that anyone in his position could show the kind of heart that he did. I want to present the ‘Never Give Up’ award in honor of Jimmy V. to Daniel Wise. I’m not sure if many of you remember Jim Valvano but he was the coach that ran up and down the sidelines after winning the 1983 NCAA basketball championship for North Carolina State; anyways, he developed cancer and created the Jimmy V Foundation for cancer research. Their motto is, don’t give up. Don’t ever give up. Daniel is someone who has never given up and never will.”
The cafeteria erupted in applause as I approached Coach Dosch to receive my award. I returned to my senior team mates and they embraced me. I did not realize how much I meant to the team before, but at that moment, everything made sense to me. I knew I could never give up on my team because they would never give up on me.